I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
