so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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