Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
