Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
