I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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