Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
