I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
