my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
