you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
