Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
