somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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