theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
