Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
