i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The ass gains better be worth it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
