theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this hospital has no fireball
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
