A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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