now i know why i became what i already was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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