Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
