I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
