we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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