So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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