Who did Billy Mays play for?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
