i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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