I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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