saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
