If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
