i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
