he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
