Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
