i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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