I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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