I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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