party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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