i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
