My liver just broke up with me...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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