i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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