Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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