Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
