I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
