she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
