Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
