Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
