roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
