please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
