Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
