Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
