that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am one with the molecules
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
