How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
