moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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