I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
