This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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