dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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