Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Randomize
