i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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