Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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