I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think my tv is drunk
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We have started to decorate penises.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
