I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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