i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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